Saying goodbye. Finding a way forward.

Hi Reader,

This update is different because a lot has happened over the last few weeks.

My wife and I are mourning the loss of her father, Charlie. How do you keep going amid such a seismic shift and emotional blow like my wife is facing?

What's Inside

Being your best when life is challenging
Who was Charlie Wright?
A lesson from my mom
Science: Grief's effect on weight and immunity
The honor of grief

Your Best When Life Is At Its Worst

It’s hard being the rock for someone whose world is crumbling. Julie lost her larger-than-life mother only a few years ago, so this loss has ripped open a wound that had barely begun to heal.

My heart is with anyone who has lost a parent. Julie is the strongest person I know, but even Superwoman needs a shoulder to lean on. That’s what I’ve tried to provide.

I’ve long believed chaotic times offer an opportunity to become the best version of ourselves.

When we can’t control the chaos, we can practice greater discipline in the areas we can control, including how well we care for ourselves.

Years ago, as my grandfather was slipping away, my mom committed to being at his bedside despite repeated four-hour trips between our home in northern Virginia and her parent’s home in Norfolk.

Despite the travel and heartbreak, she stayed dedicated to her goal. It wasn't long before her health scores improved and her pant size dropped.

This was long before my own health journey, but her devotion to herself and others taught me a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

Now, all these years later, we find ourselves in a similar position.

I’ll return to that lesson but first let me tell you about Charlie.

Charlie Wright Was Awesome

I loved Charlie Wright like my own father. He was a classic gentleman and the prototype of the strong, silent type. His few words came with deep bass and unmistakable significance. Whether he wanted another dinner roll or was upset that his favorite driver had wrecked out of the race, you heard him—even from two states away.

I loved having him live with Julie, me and our dog, Rudee. He was a sports nut who would watch any game, including spring football.

Even I have limits. Football during early baseball season just feels wrong.

Not to Charlie. He watched every game.

My favorite memory of him has little to do with sports, aside from the game playing on TV. Eleven years ago, in his Hampton living room, I asked permission to marry his daughter.

At 33, I was shaking like a nervous sophomore picking up a homecoming date.

Julie was out with her mom, so I seized the one-on-one opportunity.

“Charlie,” I said, my voice trembling, “would you mind if I asked Julie to marry me?”

Without pausing or turning from the TV, he answered, “If that’s what she wants to do.”

I thought, “What? That can’t be all there is to this!”

But that was it. Charlie returned to the game, and about six months later he walked Julie down the aisle.

I love that guy, and I’m going to miss him dearly.

Charlie, thank you for everything. Enjoy the big football game in the sky and keep a press-box seat warm for me. I’ll see ya down the road.

Controlling Chaos: Lesson From Mom

As for seizing control amid chaos and my mom’s example, the idea is simple.

You cannot control everything around you, but you can control what you do.

We always have the power to improve something about ourselves, including how we treat others and respond to difficult situations.

As my mom found, that sense of control can be empowering during turbulent times. Don’t run from challenges. Find simple, healthy actions you can build into your routine so that, whatever else happens, you can still meet the goals you set for yourself.

This is a time to be selfish about your health. Caring for yourself helps you care for the people you love. Live for them by becoming the best version of yourself.

If that’s selfish, sign me up every time.

Science: The Many Effects of Grief

Here’s a scientific look at the metabolic changes that can occur during stressful times.

When life gets stressful, do people lose weight like my mom or gain it? Research says it can go either way.

A review of 14 long-term studies found a small connection between stress and weight gain. In a six-year study of nearly 2,800 adults, 39% of those who experienced difficult life events gained more than 5% of their weight, while 6% lost that much. Yet the figures were nearly identical among people without such events, so stress alone cannot explain the difference.

Grief tells a different story. A study of older adults who had recently lost a spouse found they were more likely to lose weight, enjoy food less, eat alone and have fewer homemade meals. A broader bereavement review likewise found weight loss alongside greater nutritional risk.

We don’t always know what someone is enduring. A review of 54 studies involving nearly 120,000 people linked stress with slightly greater food intake and poorer choices. The scale can drop even while health needs more attention.

The effects extend beyond weight. A study of nearly 119,000 adults across 21 countries linked high stress with a 22% higher relative risk of major cardiovascular disease and a 30% higher relative risk of stroke. That does not prove causation, but it deserves attention.

In a study exposing healthy volunteers to respiratory viruses, about 27% of those with the lowest stress developed a cold, compared with 47% of those with the highest.

Hurting is a Wonderful Privilege

If you’re going through a rough stretch, give yourself grace, but also reach for your internal chaos-control lever. It can support your health and make an impossible time more manageable.

Fruits and vegetables won’t erase the pain of losing someone you love. But discovering your strength can help carry you forward.

And onward we go.

Walking club updates are coming in the next newsletter.

Until then… rest easy, Charlie. We've got it from here.

Never give up,